Namjoon: 13 July Year 22

I rested my head on the bus window. I commuted every day from the library to the gas station. I saw the same scenery outside the window so much that it sickened me. Will there ever be a day that I break free from this scenery? It started to feel impossible to guess what would happen tomorrow or wish for something to. 

 

I looked at the woman with a yellow rubber band in her hair who sat in the front. My shoulders lifted up as far as they could as I sighed then sat down. And then I rested my head on the window. I studied at the same library and rode the bus at the same stop for already a month now. I never said a word to her and instead watched the same scenery, lived the same way, and sighed the same sigh. The hair tie was still in my pocket. 

 

The woman always got off three stops before me. Every time I watched her get off the bus, I wondered if she was going to pass out flyers. I thought about what kind of experiences she has had and what kind of work she has endured. I thought about how frustrated she must have felt that tomorrow isn't going to come, that tomorrow didn’t exist in the first place. 

 

It was close to the stop she was supposed to get off at. Someone pressed the stop button and shortly after passengers rose from their seats. But she wasn’t caught up in the center of all those people. She just stayed in her seat, leaning her head on the window. She must’ve fallen asleep. Should I wake her up? I was conflicted for a moment. The bus arrived at the stop. She stayed in place. People got off. The doors closed, and the bus started moving again.

 

She didn’t wake up for the next three stops. I headed for the doors and was conflicted once again. It was clear that once I got off there would be no one paying any attention to her. I didn’t know how much more tiring today would become for her once she woke up far away from the stop she was supposed to get off at.       

 

I left the bus stop and headed for the gas station. The bus immediately departed, and I didn’t look back. I left the hair tie on top of her bag, but that was all I did. That wasn’t the start and following it was no end. It wasn’t anything from the beginning, and there was no reason for it to be anything in the first place. That’s why it really is nothing, I thought to myself.

 

@shootinghearts_