Hoseok: 20 May Year 22

I picked up Taehyung and left the police station. “Thank you for your hard work.” I bowed my head and said it full of strength, but that’s not how I actually felt. Taehyung’s house wasn’t that far from the police station. Would Taehyung be in and out of the police station like this if he lived farther away? Why did his parents have a place so close to the police station? Why was the world so cruel to a kid who was so tender hearted and kind to a fault? Pretending like nothing was wrong, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and asked if he was hungry. Taehyung shook his head no. I asked if the police officers welcomed him and offered him something to eat, but he didn’t respond. 

 

We walked in the sunlight together. There was a cold wind in my heart. If that’s how I felt, what was Taehyung’s heart like? How torn and broken was it? Did he have any heart left? How much pain is inside there? I couldn’t look at his face because of these thoughts and instead looked up at the sky. There was an airplane passing through the cloudy sunlight. The first time I saw the wound on Taehyung’s back was at Namjoon’s shipping container. He was smiling so innocently when he got the T-shirt that no one opened their mouth, but a part of my chest collapsed.    

 

I didn’t have any parents. I couldn’t remember my father at all, and I was only with my mom until I was seven years old. When talking about wounds relating to family or childhood days, I was never envious of others. People always say that you have to overcome your wounds, that you have to get them and get used to them. They say you have to reconcile with and forgive them. You have to do that to live. You can’t give up because you don’t know something. You can’t reject something because you don’t like it. You aren’t successful just because you tried. No one teaches you the way. Right before you are numb, the world will give you a new wound. I know that everyone in this world has a wound. But why is such a deep wound necessary? Is there a reason for it? Why did this happen?       

 

“Hoseok, I’m okay. I can go back alone,” Taehyung said at the fork in the road. “Okay, you idiot.” I disregarded him and lead the way. “No really, I’m fine. Look. There’s nothing wrong.” He showed me a smile. I didn’t respond. There was no way he was fine. That’s because so much was wrong that he couldn’t admit it or it would be unbearable. He was turning away from it. That had become a habit. His hoodie turned inside out, Taehyung began to follow me. “Are you sure you aren’t hungry?” I asked as we arrived at the hallway leading to his house. He smiled like an idiot and nodded. I watched him as he walked down the hallway, and then I turned around. The hallway he was walking down and I was leaving out of was narrow and bleak. The kid and I were both alone. I suddenly decided to turn around, and then my phone rang.   

 

@shootinghearts_