Seokjin: 9 August Year 21

I took a picture while I went down the coast. The neighborhood around the sea constantly changed, but the sea was always the same. I got out of my car and walked down to the shore. I sat on the sand and looked through all the photos I had taken with the viewfinder of my camera. The location and time of each photo was different, but they were all the same. The ocean and the sky met at the center. 

 

It had been a year since I left Songju and came to LA as if I was running away. My grandparent’s house, which I spent my childhood in, was not unfamiliar but also not comfortable. After covering up my feelings and finding a place to stay, I smiled awkwardly. It was how my father taught me to be a good person. It was useful in most situations, and this time was the same. 

 

After coming here, I didn’t take any pictures of people. There was no particular reason. I just didn’t want to. Instead, I took pictures of the ocean. Maybe I wanted to take photos of unchanging things. Thinking back, it’s kind of funny. It wasn’t that my friends changed. It wasn’t that I changed either. I was always that kind of person. I just tried to hide it and got caught. I didn’t bring a single picture from high school. The me now is different from the me of that time. At that time, I didn’t hide my feelings or have a reason that I needed to find a place to stay. My awkward smile was the same, but one thing was different. I was smiling for real back then. 

 

I raised my camera and took a picture of the sea. The cloudy weather made the ocean and sky the same color. The horizon where they met was fuzzy. Of all my photos of the sea, there wasn’t a single one like this. The weather was different, the light was different, or the wind was different. My gaze was different and so was my heart. Today’s picture was the same. All of the photos I took in high school were the same. A person’s gaze and heart are left inside photos. That was the reason why I didn’t bring any photos from those days. I was too scared to face the me of that time. I was scared that I would miss that me. “How everyone is doing? Do they ever think of me?” Worried that I would have those thoughts, I put the photos of my friends in a box and shut the lid.      

 

@shootinghearts_

 

 

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